Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
