I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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