didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
