You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
