btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Randomize
