I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
this is an emotional support booty call
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
