I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
