I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
