i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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