I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
