I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
So squirting runs in the family.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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