Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Randomize
