Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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