I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
