I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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