Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
