dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
