Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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