New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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