theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
