I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
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