Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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