while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
