Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I was not drunk enough for that final.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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