I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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