You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
