I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
