He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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