I got chris browned last night
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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