he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Randomize
