Where did you get a picture of my penis
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
