I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
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