there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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