I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
