We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
