They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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