I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
you inspire me to be a worse person
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I can't trust your balls anymore.
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