Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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