Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize