when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
