Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
