And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
