how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
These tits shall not be calmed
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
