You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
