I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
