I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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