just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
