he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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