So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I would fuck him just for his dog
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