nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
sarcasm needs its own font
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
