she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
