Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Randomize
